Brain matter(s)

After years of struggling against I-didn’t-know-what, I took my best friend’s advice (once again) and went to a psychologist to have myself examined on attention-related issues. I am afraid to use any l diagnostic terms here, but in the end I was told my brain Works in a way that is called: ADD-affected. Attenton Deficit Disorder. Switch to google and you will soon be drowning in information – I wouldn’t, if I were you. Later, I will put up a short text on what ADD is, especially what it can mean for women.

fragment women :)

fragment woman 🙂

Put simply: we all swim in our familiar pools of genes, and the ones that form minorities will have difficulty getting along. For the past two months, I’ve been trying to stay afloat on everything there is to rethink and reconsider. Being happy to know what bugged me, and that I can’t help it really. Wondering why my parents never noticed any of this, and why I was told I wasn’t performing to my ability. Being relieved that I can take a from of speed that slows the eternal buzz in my head. Feeling excited and at the same time down, because I can handle my children so much better on an equivalent of speed. Trying to be optimistic about the future even though my job ends in a few weeks and I have chosen not to stay on as a freelancer in the same work field: administrative tasks which I am extremely unfit to do. I tried this as a fulltime job, and I think I drained my battery severely in doing so during that year. In that respect, I am looking forward to a new era.

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4 thoughts on “Brain matter(s)

  1. Hi Wandermood! Sounds like your journey is a lot like mine: “What is my purpose in life?” and “How can I USE my ADD to accomplish it instead of allowing my ADD to torpedo it?”

    I read a book a few years ago called “Women with ADD” — ok, I only read the first third of it because, you know, ADD — but one thing I remember from it is that the American business environment is stacked against women with ADD. Men with ADD generally will rise quickly to a level where they’ll have a secretary to handle the details, but if a woman can’t handle the details, she isn’t promoted. I hope this is changing, but I thought of it when you said that you had chosen to not continue doing a job you aren’t suited to.

    Thanks for sharing your journey with us.

    Holly

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Holly,
      thanks for your reaction! And you are right, there seem to be many more “weirdly functioning” men in high places than women – women seem to receive harsher judgment, mainly by other women. For me, the frustration lies in not reaching the work level my brain has. My psychologist advised me to get the book “So I’m not lazy, stupid or crazy?!” which describes the process of diagnosis, reconsidering the past and reshaping your life really nicely. Of course I am reading it back to front [& in many other ways], but I intend to make a summary and post it here. It does feel wrong to stop working and then seek some peace and quiet at home because I know I could do so much, if only… etcetera. I am hopeful that the future loks brighter though – more research and info on women with ADD is slowly appearing, and people like us can now monitor our own children much better – at least, I hope so 🙂
      Best, W.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Just dropping in to say thank-you for visiting my blog staceyldehn.wordpress.com, Our Journey in Autism. I look forward to reading more from you. You followed me and now I will follow you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: The moon is full and I’m awake | wandermood

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